Comedy fans' dreams of Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel producing a mega-funny baby were crushed by the pair's split. Kevin Winter/Getty Images

Jolie-Pitt twins make their first $20 mill.; Nicole holds out on newborn news; Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman are back on the market; and D.C. gets its own 'Hills'

Date published: 7/17/2008

WHAT A SNAP!

If you have a deposit account at IndyMac or you're the genius who green-lights the covers for The New Yorker, you might not be having the best week. If you're an overpaid celebrity with an entrepreneurial womb, though, things are looking good.

Not willing to share the spotlight with an uncultured blue-collar baby like Levi McConaughey, the Jolie-Pitt twins waited a week to make their debut. Brother Knox Leon and sister Vivienne Marcheline were born one minute apart on Saturday evening, according to Yahoo! News.

Go ahead--take a moment to judge their names. If you've made the insightful observation that Knox shares a certain letter with his brothers, Maddox and Pax, then you are qualified to be a "names analyst" for MSN. Knox is the name of someone destined to float in and out of rehab, and Vivienne Marcheline will believe denim, along with affection, is for the poor.

Mother and babies are doing great, which is the only status you'd want to hear if you're the magazine editor lucky enough to win the $20 million bid on first pics. You heard correctly--Angelina and Brad are eligible to bank an estimated $20 million for their baby pics. Hey, professional football players make that amount and their jobs aren't nearly as tough. Am I right, ladies? Seriously, that was a question. Childbirth scares me, so I've decided to start collecting cats.

STINGY IN SYDNEY

Celebrities who won't get to sit by a fireplace in winter and say "The fire is dying, throw some more of that baby money in there" include Jessica Alba and Jamie Lynn Spears. According to TMZ, Jessica just brokered a measly $1.5 million deal for pictures of her tot, and Jamie Lynn was able to get only $1 million. That's not even enough to pay for a year's supply of gourmet truffle caviar baby formula for the Jolie-Pitt twins.

However, Nicole Kidman's refusal to pimp her newborn is translating as a diss to those celeb couples who do. The Sydney Morning Herald reports a source is claiming that Nicole and hubby Keith Urban believe making such deals is inappropriate and haven't even decided if they will or will not release a photo at all.

What kind of trickery are you playing, Kidman? If you think I'm just going to go on your husband's blog and view free pictures of your little baby, you've got another thing coming. I want spectacle. I want a four-page spread of your infant modeling baby Versace. I want side-by-side stills comparing your baby and Suri Cruise. And I want it now!

WIN BEN STEIN'S CRONY

Date published: 7/17/2008